Since I'm the new guy, I guess I have some explaining to do. First of all, I put all sorts of things in my mouth. The purpose of this page is to explain just what those things are and why I put them there. About once a month or so, my mission will be to describe my experiences with an item from one or more of three main categories: Healthy Eats, Nutritional Supplements, and Junk (or otherwise just fun to eat) Food. After all, even the suavest rock and rollers have to partake in a little culinary delight once in a while. There may be an occasional "Retrograde Motion", where I wish to digress for a moment to reflect upon a related subject. But the ravings will likely be few and far between; I've learned that, while on this planet, if something goes wrong or bothers you, you can always blame Dave and be done with it. Let's get right to it…

Nutritional Supplement of the Month - Creatine Monohydrate

The bodybuilding and fitness worlds are raving about this stuff now, but certain snot-noses in the medical community have cast their skeptical shadows over it ("I'm not saying it causes cancer, but you don't know," one callous earthling deadpanned). But what is it, and what does it do?

Well, creatine monohydrate is a compound produced in the liver and found in small quantities in various animal muscle foods such as meat and fish. It is taken up by muscle cells and converted to creatine phosphate, where it is used to produce adenosine triphosphate (ATP), the primary energy source for muscle cells. There are various results from numerous studies, but there are two primary reasons for its wide usage. First is its role in ATP production. The greater one's ATP reserves, the greater one's potential energy, and hence, the greater propensity to become stronger through weight training. Second, and perhaps more impressive, creatine appears to attach to water before being absorbed by muscle cells. Thus, water is brought into the muscle cells, causing them to swell! This is not typical "water retention", where water is held between muscle cells rather than inside them. In theory, then, it is possible for someone to take creatine and become more muscular without lifting a single weight! However, don't expect to inhale creatine and bulk up overnight ("BEEFCAKE!").

There are many creatine products out there, but the one I have always used is the original, Phosphagen from EAS. I typically take 5 grams with a big swig of water about a half-hour before lifting (it's utterly tasteless). As of right now, I'm also using a smaller dosage on non-lifting days by taking a serving of a sister product from EAS, Betagen. A serving of Betagen (which is orange-flavored) contains 2 grams of creatine and 1 gram of HMB, which is something I'll talk about in the future.

This is the Junk Food of all Time. However, if I fail to keep this page updated, I incur the wrath of Distortion Girl, so it only gets a month. I've always enjoyed this sandwich, but a true love affair began in 1989 when I went to work at the Master Deli in Plymouth Meeting, PA. There, I was exposed to the creative process of cheesesteaks, which greatly enhanced my consumptive process as well! Not an evening went by that I cleaned the griddle without a tear in my eye, knowing that it would be another day before the next steak was made. Though the structure varies from deli to deli, the Master Deli pizza steak formula remains my favorite. It consists of two flip steaks grilled for a couple of minutes, a little salt, a squirt of the Boss' Secret Sauce, four partially melted slices of provolone, marinara and oregano, all smooshed into an eleven inch steak roll fresh from the Conshohocken Italian Bakery. As my father once said, "THE BREAD MAKES THE STEAK" (or breaks it). Optional add-ons include fried onions, mushrooms, sweet, hot or fried hot peppers, and perhaps even the standard lettuce and tomato. Any ketchup and you will be scorned (and definitely not on the side either, dumb ass; the cost of those little containers adds up fast).

In addition to the Master Deli, I strongly recommend a steak from the originator, Pat's King of Steaks, on 9^th and Wharton streets in South Philadelphia. Though I prefer the taste of the Master, Pat's service is almost instantaneous and as rude as any typical Philly caricature (we natives consider this part of the place's charm). There are rules for ordering, like "with" (onions) or "without". Remember to specify your type of cheese, otherwise you get the default Cheez Whiz. If you're bold, you'll then head across the street to Geno's and order another steak to compare the heavyweights of the world's fattest intersection. But what if you can't get to Philly? Well, Cleveland is a bit lacking in its steak joints. The best was definitely The Philly Connection (affectionately known to some, for no good reason, as The Delving Dago) on Cedar and Lee, but it closed in 1992 and was eventually replaced by Whitmore's. Since then, the best steak I've had in this area was from a place whose name escapes me, located on the upper level of Randall Park Mall. Occasionally I'll hit the Great (cough cough) Steak and Potato Company in Beachwood Place, but they have yet to get my order right. Frankly, I prefer to pick up some Steak-Umms and make my own. If you know of a truly great cheesesteak restaurant in NE Ohio, please send us some email.

Brace yourselves! Retrograde Motion is imminent!